The Artist’s Battle
Pittsburgh Artist CARO
“I really had to kill my ego this year.” Pittsburgh Artist CARO sat across from me, sipping iced coffee from a straw.
We met at Big Dog Coffee in Southside to introduce ourselves in mid-December, two months after she competed in the Pittsburgh Art Battle and won.
“How do you kill your ego?” I asked.
The first time I saw CARO—short for Caroline—she was a returning competitor to the local Art Battle hosted at Athithi Studios in Sharpsburg.
On September 12, 2024, the energy was high; the gallery buzzed from a cocktail of anxiety and anticipation. Some were invigorated by the stimuli; a DJ spun, a food truck fed, and artists prepped to paint against the clock. Attendees vote for the winner of each round and can bid on the pieces at the end of the night. Works created are silent-auctioned with 50% of the proceeds going to the artists. Despite the event being a competition, there was a noticeable sense of camaraderie.
Sensitive to the noise, and without company in tow, I wore earplugs and focused on keeping to myself while noting observations about the experience. If I wasn’t being an art journalist, I might’ve left; it was too stimulating for me, but I was there with a goal in mind: find an artist who inspires you. As the first of three 20-minute rounds began, the music and voices increased in volume. A steady stream of onlookers orbited the artists who painted in circular battle, preparing to cast their votes.
I zeroed in on one of the pieces. A being with a long neck attached to a head with a face expressing intense emotion; a frowning mouth and a single bloody tear leaking from one eye. The background filled in with a deep blue. Feelings of anger, sadness and confusion surfaced; I was reminded of the intensity and scale of these emotions. I was moved by the current of the brushstrokes. I could see myself inside the painting the way I see myself in my own paintings. I paused at the artist’s easel and gave all of my attention to CARO.
The War is Over, 2024
To give an artist’s work attention in a gallery is one thing, to give the artist herself attention is another; to witness the artist in the act of creation however, is an incredible privilege. I find, when attention is paid to my work, it impacts my growth as an artist as much as it can impact the admirer. Now, sitting across from her in a cafe, CARO fills in the picture. She describes her approach to painting as intuitive; she looks at the canvas, “blacks out” and then “this” happens. The pieces [for Art Battle] are unplanned besides the color palette. We are similar in our approach; giving way to creative flow, moving without forethought and trusting the process, is a healing practice I employ within Memoirtistry. The portraits CARO paints are all versions of herself—another similarity; everything I paint are versions of myself.
“You have to feel it at that moment,” Caroline speaks of the intuitive process while I nod along in agreement. “You have no idea the impressions your own work has on you until you’re done making it.”
Art Battle creates a vibrant environment; as a competing artist, you are not only competing with other artists, you are also in a fight with yourself to stay focused and manage personal anxieties over being observed. I tried to imagine myself competing; painting two works, each in 20 minutes to a point of completion, enduring the pressure to produce. The first portrait she painted, in round one, The War is Over, offered CARO’s point-of-view—a hint of what she was going through, right then, as we all watched.
I wondered then what other battles Caroline has been fighting.
CARO has been an artist since she was a child, but there was a time she stopped painting due to mental health confrontations. “Awareness of an ‘issue’ can take over your whole life,” she confessed.
In 2018, after a routine check with her doctor to discuss her growing anxiety, she was diagnosed with stage two thyroid cancer. I asked her what it felt like, existing inside a body with cancer. “It’s so cliché [to say], but I could feel a dark being inside of me. I have always been sensitive to my body; I wasn’t myself for the longest time.”
In January 2023, she received the news she was cancer free. The isolation required to heal overlapped with the isolation of Covid-19, and boredom guided her back to the easel. In her return to art, she painted a portrait of her brother’s dog to give him as a gift. Soon after, she began receiving commissions and was painting more regularly. But her style adapted as her focus in life shifted to healing from trauma and the main subject of her work soon became herself.
The second self-portrait CARO painted for the Art Battle holds a clue pointing to her progress. A rich red background of flames highlights a face framed by straight purple hair with wide, tired eyes and long lashes hanging heavy on the lids. This battle has exhausted the artist, and yet, the mouth is turned in a smirk. Caroline tells me she had a feeling she was going to win and her confidence is evident in the painting. The audience watched her battle herself and rewarded her in her efforts; she was voted champion and I wasn’t surprised.
To kill your ego, she says one must “become overly self-aware; like yourself a little bit.” In the act of liking yourself, the ego can inflate. The caveat is to like yourself while also recognizing there are things you don’t like. Accepting what she doesn’t like about herself is the battle CARO fights now. “I was aware I had flaws, but I spent so long trying to survive other things that I was just kind of ignorant of the negative parts of me.”
In February 2025, she released photographic portraits featuring a clothing collection made for a series called I FORGOT (HOW) TO HAVE FUN where she explores polarity and the duality of existence; extremes expressed in sharp black and white exposure. One portrait represents the grief she feels around who she might have been; a relatable theme for anyone honest enough to admit. Self-reflection, when acted upon, can transform you into a person unrecognizable to those who knew you when. This shift in external perception can cause an upset to your self-image; others may not believe you have changed and the denial of a changed you can impact future growth. The temptation to remain the same for others is great.
CARO continues to heal the need to please by loosening up her art process. “A lot of my paintings are old paintings, covered. I like the texture it adds.”
The texture of scars from what once was is evidence of the process of acceptance.
CARO at work
As Caroline returns to battle in the new year, her combative technique, to fight with artistic expression in front of an audience, inspires me in my own practice. Her work illustrates a profound truth: art is inherently personal and universal, intertwining her internal experiences with collective themes of identity, trauma, healing, and joy. In every self-portrait, we see CARO’s resilience and are invited to explore our own emotional landscape alongside hers. Killing the ego doesn’t actually require death but acceptance. When we see what is, what is is free to change.
